Today is Wednesday, 3 more radiation treatments to go. This morning Scott's sister Becky came up to meet us at the hospital so it was especially nice. We haven't see her in a while. It almost made radiation a treat.
Last night was very difficult. I could not sleep and kept waking up in pain. My solution finally was to go downstairs and sleep in the chair, but I did not wake Scott up to come down and tuck me in. I did not want to bother him, so instead it was a comedy of errors. I got the blanket and pillows from the sofa and hobbled over to the chair with them. After dropping two pillows on the footstool, I sat down and pushed the third pillow behind my head and just sort of dropped the blanket on my lap. That is how I fell asleep. I awoke later crying in pain. My feet were freezing and I could not get them up over the pillows on the footstool so I pushed the pillows to the floor and tried to get the blanket over them. That is about where I was when I went back to sleep. I woke again crying and took some pain pills. The footstool was a little too far away from the chair so my feet were barely hanging from the edge. I decided that trying to get my chair/bed set up all by myself was not a good idea. I really need someone to tuck me in. How helpless can one person be? I went back upstairs and sat on the edge of the bed. That is when Scott woke up and put two big pillows under my knees so that I could get back to sleep.
Later, when he was ready to get up for the day, we went back downstairs and he got me all tucked into my chair. So, I did get a couple of hours of fairly decent sleep. Today I am thinking that getting a good nights sleep in a normal way is something that I might never have again. It was just about this same stage of the last round of radiation where pain control went out the window. What a miserable weekend that was. Pam is on vacation now, until October 7th, so I hope someone at the pain clinic will be able to help me figure out what to do so I do not have to repeat that again.
As I wonder what happens next I can't help but think that bad days might outnumber good days from here on. What happens when I cannot tolerate the pain at all anymore?
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What happens when I cannot tolerate the pain any more?
ReplyDeleteYou will be bombed out, like in hospital after a big op. You won't know what's going on but you won't feel the pain. This is something I used to fear. Then I realised that it would be a blessed relief. I can't always be in control of my world!!!